I wore Vetements the day my Dog Died

Since I purchased my Vetements hoodie, it hasn't left my body much, aside from when it has been in the wash. However, I haven't worn it for several days now.

The day it arrived, I wore it to work, despite not being the most office-appropriate thing I've ever put on. I paired it with leather leggings and big stompy boots for drinks with good friends. I threw it on over swimsuits after surfing, kayaking and swimming on holidays and wore it on chillier evenings as my family and I sat outside eating dinner overlooking the bay.

And I was wearing it for our last day of holidays when I went to the spa and then hopped in the car for the long drive home. I was wearing it when we got back to the house and I burst into tears upon sight of our dog. Our baby, who we had since I was eleven years old, had lost so much weight in a week that it was grotesque, her eyes were out of focus and she was staggering. We had noticed that old age had been beginning to really hit her for weeks and months beforehand and our cousin who was watching her had said she wasn't drinking very much but this was beyond imagining.

I was wearing the hoodie when we rushed her into the vet, when they put her on a drip and we had to say goodbye to leave her overnight. I was wearing it when my mother told me to be hopeful, that it would be okay. I was wearing it when my father and sister called my brother and I outside the next day and said the treatment wasn't working as well as the vet had hoped and Belle was most likely not going to survive. I was wearing it when we came in to see her and say goodbye. I was wearing it when she was put down and my brother and I lay on the floor next to her and wailed. I was wearing it as she closed her eyes.

And now I don't know if I'll ever be able to wear it again.

I love it so much that I hope I will but garments are more than things we just put on our bodies. They hold memories in a vivid, visceral, physical way that is often hard to move past. Putting them on can feel like slipping back into that moment and that person you used to be. And it can be incredibly painful to do so, even if wounds have long healed and life has long moved on.

I have never again worn the leather skirt I had on when my heart was first broken, despite it being its first outing. The dress I wore to a childhood friend's father's funeral hangs in my wardrobe and, as cute as it is, all I see when I look at it is his face struggling to be brave. To wear it now would seem macabre in some way, or disrespectful, perhaps? I simply cannot separate it from the last time that I wore it and feel that I would spend the entire time it was on my body being utterly aware of that last time.

Similarly, but in a slightly different vein, there are band tees that I have from my teenage years that I cannot throw away but also cannot wear again. I still like the bands and some of the t-shirts are really cool but when I have attempted wearing them in the recent past, it felt too much like being that awkward teen that I have empathy towards, and affection for, but would never wish to go back to being.

Maybe there are enough good memories made in my Vetements hoodie - of long tiring days of fun by the sea, bonding with friends I don't get to see enough and being around my loved ones - that they will counteract the bad. But, even if this is not the case, it is now a garment imbued with some of both the worst and best moments of my life.

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One Good Tee

I cannot remember the last time that I did an outfit post but I felt really inspired to go back to my blogging roots and pop up some pictures of clothes that I actually wore IRL.

And the main motivating factor was this tee that I got at the Grimes gig in Dublin on Tuesday.

Not only do I love a good band tee and Grimes but I really like that her own artwork is featured on her merch. I made sure to buy it seriously oversized as it is the perfect statement tee that kind of does all the talking in an outfit. Basically, one good tee makes an outfit and allows you to look cool without having to think/try too hard.

Paired with some leather-look leggings, my trusty heeled ankle boots, a vintage black coat on top and a striped turtleneck underneath, there's a good balance of edgy and comfy. The beret softens the look and makes it cuter and more playful while the silver bag breaks up the otherwise entirely monochromatic look.

The result? Something I think looked quite cool, took two seconds to put together and felt like I was wearing pajamas.

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Mammy

Last year, on my father's 50th birthday, I wrote a post about how he has influenced my sense of style. As my mother is his junior by just eleven days, I had intended to write a matching post about her but somehow never got around to it. So, today (over a year later - yikes), on Mother's Day, I'm finally doing it.

Why now? I guess it's because Mother's Day kind of sneaked up on me this year and it wasn't as prominent in my mind before the fact. And then I had such a thoroughly lovely weekend at home. It wasn't that long since my last visit, only a week, but I needed it. Nowhere else am I so at peace or comfortable and I'm always intensely thankful for my parents and glad to have a chance to hang out with them. They're both so cool and loving, fun and kind - two of my favourite people in the world.

Mammy and I, in particular, have always had a very special bond. I was an only child for three years before my brother and sister were born and spent most of that time alone with her. As I grew up, there were also periods where we ended up having a lot of alone time; such as when I started secondary school and, for three years before the twins followed me, had almost an extra month of summer holidays where Mammy and I mooched around together and, again, when I started college, I had more holiday time alone with her. Because of all this quality time and because her love for me was so palpable, I've always had a particular adoration for Mammy.

She's also a very open person; warm, honest and funny and witty. As a result, you can tell her anything and my sister and I have always considered her a friend as well as a mother. We've always told her everything and she has always been supportive and understanding. She's always been deeply involved in our lives; in shopping and dressing and many other aspects. She encourages us to be proud of ourselves and love how we look and she is constantly trying to get me into shorter dresses as she thinks my legs one of my best features.

I've never had fights with Mam where she told me not to go out wearing something. When I was a punk as a teen and was dressing a little differently to many of my peers, she embraced it, bought me bright pink Docs and long swishy coats and told me not to listen to teachers that told me I couldn't wear my black Docs with my school uniform (male counterparts were allowed to, however). Basically, she nailed supporting the development of my personal sense of style.

Her own sense of style is no joke either. Mam has seriously good taste which can be attested to by the fact that my sister and I constantly "borrow" from her wardrobe. And, over the years, I have had many a person ask where I got a certain top or jumper, only for me to reply, "It was Mammy's in the nineties."

Mammy encouraged me to always do my own thing, embrace how I look and have fun with clothes and has had an immense impact on who I am and how I dress today...just another reason to love her so.











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Daddy

My father turned fifty today and when these momentous moments happen to us or those around us, it tends to make us reflect. Of course, I thought on how lucky I am to have a father like him, on how much he has affected the world around him. But, as my blog is such a big part of my life, it gave me pause to consider the sartorial implications my dad has had on my life - as well as the many other ways he has enriched my life in general.

I owe a lot of my sense of style to both of my parents. They were only a little older than I am now when I was born, so for many of my formative years they were young, cool, still figuring everything out. We lived in France for six months during the first year of my life - when the people around them partied, Nirvana continued to take over the world and grunge style reigned supreme. Not only did this influence the bands I would later love but I also adopted my dad's formula of band tee and jeans - a classic. I've even commandeered some of the exact shirts he wore over the years. In fact, I've always robbed pieces from his wardrobe as well as my mother's; thanks to our similar aesthetics and his very slight frame in the nineties. We both have a fondness for striped tees, large overcoats and knitwear - especially a good aran jumper. And I have the same risk-taking approach to style that my dad has always had. His wardrobe sports leather jackets in an enviable and brave array of colours for small-town Ireland, a leather waistcoat I've stolen plenty of times and some of the only paisley pieces that I have time for.

Of course, as a father, and one of the most selfless people I know, Daddy rarely dwells on what he wears or spends lots of money on himself. But when he's not dressing himself in clothes for working outside, he displays a keen natural eye for shapes, colours and textures that work together and a preference for quality over quantity that I continue to try and emulate.

Me and Daddy - both in rather cool outfits.

Daddy lurking in the corner in a Metallica tee - the only shot of him in a band tee that I could find for some reason...

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The formula of how to Haim.

Haim's new video for If I Could Change Your Mind is all over my facebook feed and tumblr. It's mostly because girl and womankind alike, journalists and average Josephines alike are squeeing and fangirling to the max. The band's rise, to coin a terrible cliché, has been meteoric. And while many fans are of male and other gender-identifying persuasions, it seems to me that it is the female fans who are most into them.

We're all girl-crushing hard and by three.

And I think I've cracked the formula - how they've managed to beguile us all like wonderful songstressy sirens. Here's a breakdown of why Haim are so perfect.

1. See, Haim manage to be many things at once while maintaining a appearance of being genuine. Now, I'm not questioning this genuineness - I'm as fangirly as the next gal - but pointing it out is important. 

2. Dat Hair is perfect. Srsly. We all want it.

3. Us nineties gals remember when Girl Power was the phrase of the moment and how into it we all were. I mean, celebrating being a girl? So good! The fact that Haim are an all-girl band of sisters - though they are many things other than that and are still musicians and a band rather than merely a "girl band" - adds to our general adoration of them.

4. They're so cool! They never seem to try too hard or as they're high-maintenance. They're cool girls in a band being awesome.

5. But they're also a little goofy. The new video being a case in point. The choreography, the referencing of 60s and 70s girl groups. It's not an artsy short film trying too hard, it's people having fun. And still managing to be cool.

6. They're relatable - they're not air-brushed ideals but beautiful, talented, real, full human beings.

7.  Connected is the fact that while they have an enviable sense of style it's never over-styled - they could easily be a particularly cool girl you know. They're flawless but not in the literal sense of the word, in the fangirly sense. 

Clearly, I've spent my time wisely. Not thinking about the meaning of life or how to end climate-change but about why we all love Haim...hrm. What d'y'all think? Am I a million miles off or spot on?

On Personal Style.

The past year has been one of immense growth. I've become more independent because I didn't have some of my friends around as much to lean on - I had to do things by myself. I've grown intellectually because I had to do lots of new kinds of research for my dissertation. And I feel my personal style has matured and developed a lot because of this blog. In the beginning, when I did more of a personal style and outfit of the day kind of blog, I was looking at lots of pictures of myself. It made me analyse things. The self-reflection led to a lot of growth. I feel like I've really come to understand the difference between what I like and what I wear.

This is the most important distinction you can make in figuring out your own sense of style. Several factors will lead you to establishing what the difference between the two is. I have been asked by several male friends recently about this. They're at that stage in their twenties where they kind of all look the same and don't really know where to go from there. I can understand how this can happen. Some guys craft perfect images and personas for themselves but others are stunted by laziness (not judging, it's just true), lack of interest, fitting in and (in the case of many an Irish man) having been dressed by their mothers for so long. Fashion, and clothing, is relegated as a female thing, a female interest. Women are encouraged to think about their appearance - perhaps too much, to the point that it is often emphasised as their only area of worth - men are not to the same degree at all. But even women can be lost. I felt I was for some time. In a world with so many stimuli, a world where you can see what's fashionable anywhere, anytime whenever you want, it's easy to be overstimulated. How do we find what suits an individual? I can only pass on what this year has taught me personally. Hopefully, the following factors and my explanation of how they affect my personal style will help people in finding their own.

My Style by fitzpac featuring burberry

1. Lifestyle.

Obviously this includes economic factors; are you a Prada or a Primark person? Or a little of both? More importantly, (as style cannot be bought) it will decide the style of clothing you wear. Think of things such as climate. Are layers something you need to think about? Statement coats? And so on. Do you spend much of your time in offices? Are you at college or in a more casual work setting? Do you need a professional you and a casual you?

For me, my lifestyle is varied. I could be in the library and classes one day, hanging with friends the next, travelling to and from my family home or attending some event. Comfort, therefore, is a biggie. As well as pieces which can be styled several ways. Short skirts are not so much of an option for me because I tend to climb things and jump and run and bend down to find books etc. That I walk everywhere means I wear few heels. The variable Irish climate means I need layerable pieces and lots of cute coats and jumpers.

2. Annoyances/Quirks.

These are more unique, personal factors. For example, I hate having my forearms covered all the time. I don't know why, I just do. This means I can't wear anything that isn't either short-sleeved or capable of being rolled up. Another one of these factors is that I hate fuss and am permanently late/in a hurry/clumsy/all of the above. This means I can't wear anything overly complicated with lots of straps or buttons or pieces. I need clothes that are easy and don't require lots of time to put on or take off. For example, much as I prefer stockings to tights (baggy crotches are irritating), ain't nobody got time for a garter belt.

3. Body type.

This will decide a lot of things and it's one of the hardest factors to come to grips with. It requires a lot of honesty and self-knowledge. I'm short yet leggy, have boobs and I worry about my stomach area. This all affects the choices in clothing that I make and, sometimes, where I shop. I know shirts in Zara, for example, won't fit my boobs right. I know some dresses don't suit girls with curves as well as they suit more boyish shapes. I know some things will look overly-sexual on me because of my body shape. I know I'm too short for other things without looking completely stumpy. Once you come to grips with how you actually look, you can make a lot of better clothing choices and feel more comfortable.

4. Tastes.

Some people like fake tan, some people like short hair. Some people listen to The Cure and some people love the colour pink. Your tastes in appearances and in other things such as music, film, tv etc will affect personal style. I'm into the natural look and not trying too hard. I think androgyny is sexy and I was a punk as a teenager. Now, I'm influenced by more music genres and I really like modern, urban fashion. This means that I don't like clingy clothes such as bandage dresses, I have minimalist tastes, don't like a lot of prints, prefer darker colours and like an edge.

5. Moods.

However, my tastes are not always the exact same. Most of us are this way. We wake up feeling super-confident and wanna rock a bitchin' dress or feel depressed and wanna embrace our inner goth. For this reason, your moods will also decide how you dress. I rotate between three broad categories of dress; rock and roll or punk inspired, cutesy clothes and super-modern dressing.

6. Icons.

Who you look up to and your beliefs might also affect your personal style. However, this is also an area to be careful with. There's a difference between people you admire, people whose style you admire and people you admire for both. One way, if you're stumped on how to find your personal style, is to look at images of different people whose style impresses you. You'll take away things and ideas and make them fit with your own image. Hopefully, you'll avoid copy and pasting. I'm really influenced by Japanese street style, anime, labels such as Alexander Wang, Jil Sander, Valentino, Rodarte and Dsquared2, and people such as Kurt Cobain, Gwen Stefani, Jared Leto, James Dean and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I think if you look at things you like and then see how they fit into the above categories, you'll be well on your way to honing a deeply personal style!