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| Changes are coming... |
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
How the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer (wo)man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
There's gonna have to be a different (wo)man
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Shortly after my last post on here, reports on the state of the planet came out and I had pause to really stop and properly look at myself. I was busy with Bean Magazine, that much is true, but my absence was largely because when I did look at myself, my whole axis shifted and I realised I couldn't go on the same way anymore. Which was probably for the best, anyway, as I had long-since lost my passion for blogging as I was doing it. So, what happened? I faced facts. The cold, hard facts I had been furiously running to avoid for so long. See, I often consoled myself and said that I was doing enough for the world, that I wasn't as bad as others, wasn't consuming as mindlessly, wasn't creating as much waste, wasn't making as many unethical choices, wasn't blah, blah, blah...
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| Rewearing and shopping vintage have become cornerstones of my attempts to do better for Mother Earth |
It was all excuses and, in some cases, blatant lies to myself. I was living a life that is far, far from sustainable and my main vice was clothing and beauty products.
But, because of social media, because of blogging, I always had someone to compare it to, others to normalise it, and a whole world of press samples and freebies that made me lose all touch with reality. Micro-bloggers of the world, we really do have a lot to answer for because the gal (or endless gals and guys and other folks) you follow on Insta being no different to you blurs boundaries. You think, "Well, if she's doing that, so can I. If she can afford it...If that's the norm...." and so on. Or you don't actually think that outright, not in so many words, but the endless stream of products and things and clothes being pushed on socials numbs you to what is reasonable. You lose your mind. You want a taste of the nice things you see in lives that seem no different to yours.
But, because of social media, because of blogging, I always had someone to compare it to, others to normalise it, and a whole world of press samples and freebies that made me lose all touch with reality. Micro-bloggers of the world, we really do have a lot to answer for because the gal (or endless gals and guys and other folks) you follow on Insta being no different to you blurs boundaries. You think, "Well, if she's doing that, so can I. If she can afford it...If that's the norm...." and so on. Or you don't actually think that outright, not in so many words, but the endless stream of products and things and clothes being pushed on socials numbs you to what is reasonable. You lose your mind. You want a taste of the nice things you see in lives that seem no different to yours.
However, there are two things to bear in mind: 1. With gifting, rather than sponsoring, it is hard to know how much someone online can actually afford on a financial level and how much they are receiving. So, from a practical point of view, allowing a perceived standard of lifestyle of others online to set your bar for living is dangerous and not very realistic. 2. Even if you can afford/access this lifestyle of endless consumption: should you? The rampant procuring and tossing aside of things, a mindless pursuit of new shiny things, turning a blind eye to the mark you are making on the environment and lives of workers...are these things glamorous? Are these the lives and standards we should aim for? From my point of view; no, they're not. Because the momentary fix that a bauble offers was hurting my soul. Ignoring what I know is right in favour of what looks pretty in a picture felt good for a second but lingered on my conscience.
So, I changed.
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| Vintage loungewear from Space Out Sister, one of my new vintage obsessions... |
I rarely buy from the high street now and avoid buying first-hand altogether as much as I can manage. I don't accept nearly as many PR packages as I did before, though they had already calmed down after the madness of the height of Irish blogging that was a few years ago anyway. I shop carefully for groceries, necessities, etc, day-to-day to avoid unnecessary waste and barely generate any anymore. Most importantly, I consider things more. I don't look at things the same way. I treat objects with respect and don't purchase them willy-nilly to be later tossed aside in favour of something else. But I do, of course, acknowledge in all of this the immense privilege in my being able to make these choices financially and practically as I have no dependents to think of and am relatively comfortable in life.
All of this, of course, put my whole blog into question as it had been. How to blog about beauty if you aren't trying anything new? How to blog about style if you're rarely buying clothes? How to blog full-stop if you aren't focused on things and consumption?
And these questions, in of themselves, showed how far gone I was because blogging doesn't have to be any of these things. Growing your presence, trying to keep up, trying to be someone, proving you're worthwhile, it all got really tied up with numbers and money and social media. Most bloggers I know have long since abandoned their actual blogs in favour of Instagram. Everything has become a hashtag and homogenous and the same. A race. A game. The picture of a perfect life and person. Commodifying ourselves. And for whom? Brands and companies, using us to make money by churning up this endless need to seem like we're doing okay, to present the world with a smiling, perfectly contoured, spot-free face.
And these questions, in of themselves, showed how far gone I was because blogging doesn't have to be any of these things. Growing your presence, trying to keep up, trying to be someone, proving you're worthwhile, it all got really tied up with numbers and money and social media. Most bloggers I know have long since abandoned their actual blogs in favour of Instagram. Everything has become a hashtag and homogenous and the same. A race. A game. The picture of a perfect life and person. Commodifying ourselves. And for whom? Brands and companies, using us to make money by churning up this endless need to seem like we're doing okay, to present the world with a smiling, perfectly contoured, spot-free face.
Makeup is not bad, in of itself. Fashion is not innately evil. I still love these things. I still love and admire plenty of other bloggers but I'm done with the rat race and the chaos. I'm done with the soullessness and the craziness. I'm done with being numb and not pausing to think for myself. I also still love blogging and Instagram, for all their flaws, but these things can be used to be creative and unique, not just to sell. I started my blog to showcase my own voice and point of view. I talked about shows I was never going to be invited to just because I loved fashion so much and I had thoughts about them, even if no one else cared or read it. I studied design history so I wanted to apply my knowledge to styling in shows I nerded over. I was simply passionate about the topic, not trying to impress anyone else. I never expected anything. I didn't think I'd be given things or get paid. Of course, my day-job is as a writer, too, now and people doing this as a job need to be able to live but blogging is tied to oneself in an intimate way and all transactions in and out, therefore, should be carefully considered.
So, after thinking about it for a while, I realised my mistake. I had let that go; that innocent passion, that unique point of view. Which is why I'm returning to my roots and also looking to share my newly renewed passion for being better and more sustainable and more ethical.
I'm now lucky enough that I do get to go to those shows I once dreamed of and I'll still cover fashion weeks (London Fashion Week is in a fortnight, y'all, and I'll be there as per!) and I do still find personal style fascinating so I'll share outfits and vintage, secondhand, ethical, and sustainable clothing exploits from time to time. Ethical and sustainable beauty is hugely important to me and something I'm always learning more about, so I'll cover that process too, for sure. Mostly, I want to get back into more long-form writing and thematic articles on fashion, culture, society, self-image, and how all of these things intersect. In the coming weeks, you can expect articles on refillable beauty brands, fashion week, getting the most wear of pieces through clever styling, social media and my self-esteem, and much more besides.
I'm now lucky enough that I do get to go to those shows I once dreamed of and I'll still cover fashion weeks (London Fashion Week is in a fortnight, y'all, and I'll be there as per!) and I do still find personal style fascinating so I'll share outfits and vintage, secondhand, ethical, and sustainable clothing exploits from time to time. Ethical and sustainable beauty is hugely important to me and something I'm always learning more about, so I'll cover that process too, for sure. Mostly, I want to get back into more long-form writing and thematic articles on fashion, culture, society, self-image, and how all of these things intersect. In the coming weeks, you can expect articles on refillable beauty brands, fashion week, getting the most wear of pieces through clever styling, social media and my self-esteem, and much more besides.
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| Pieces like high street powder-blue suits won't be among my purchases going forward... |
I'm actually really looking forward to WE&B 2.0. I think it will be refreshing for myself, if no one else, more fun to create, and more engaging for you (if anyone is still coming back to this wee blog of mine).
If you want to see me attempt to remember myself and past convictions, try and get a bit more grounded, and break from the hamster wheel that blogging has become for many, please do come back and check it out. And let me know what you think about all this, too. I'd love to hear from others and if I'm not alone in these frustrations. I've heard it talked about in general but not from anyone directly.
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